Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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