you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
