So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
