I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
