Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
