I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize