Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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