I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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