i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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