if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I didn't shave. On purpose
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
