i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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