my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
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