Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
