her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
