i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In other news, I just burned my penis
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize