Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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