you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
