The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
