Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
