it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
