textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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