So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
