Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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