i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
