BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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