He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
