I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
