It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
