Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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