so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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