It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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