I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
