you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
