Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
