I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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