The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
