Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
