i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
