walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize