Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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