Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
