apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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