I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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