I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
