I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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