I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
should my penis look like a turkey
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
