he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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