i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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