You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize