i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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