Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
