I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
