you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Randomize
