i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
