Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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