I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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