My friends, they love my intelligence
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Randomize
