It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
