so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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